The Akatsuki Take An Exam
by Lozy-2610
Summary: Crackfic! Its the end of high school and the Akatsuki have to take their exam in GCSE Villainy. Warning for language - contains Hidan.
1. 01: The Day Of The Exam

**Authors Note:** Okay, there's a funny story behind this one (funny at the time anyway). I just had a 2 hour maths exam, but in the middle of the exam I had this idea from one of the questions. It was going on about 'q**b**' (stupid vectors!) but if you say it you get kyuubi, and I found that vaguely amusing (It was a 2 hour maths exam okay? I have a short attention span!). So then my mind went onto Naruto and then, naturally, what would happen if the Akatsuki had to sit an exam and this is the result. Enjoy!

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The Akatsuki Take An Exam

Iruka-sensei interrupted the conversations going on outside the exam hall by coughing loudly to gain everyone's attention. "The exam is going to start in about five minutes. So if you line up quietly in alphabetical order, it will make it a whole lot quicker." He told the candidates.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving as bodies struggled to get to where they were supposed to be in the line. There was also a minor argument between Konan and Orochimaru. She wanted to stand next to Pein in the line, but Orochimaru insisted that he should because 'O' comes in between 'K' and 'P'. Konan decided she didn't like this answer, and so attacked him with her 'death by a thousand paper cuts' jutsu. Fortunately, Iruka-sensei was able to step into the fight and stop it, before Orochimaru bled to death.

"What's 'alphabetical order' sempai?" Tobi questioned, looking puzzled.

The surrounding people rolled their eyes. "You are so lucky this isn't an English exam, Tobi." Deidara groaned. "Somebody please explain it to him, un."

Itachi recited a definition to Tobi that sounded like it came straight from the dictionary, whilst Tobi just nodded at whatever he was saying, obviously not understanding a word.

There was a small commotion to their right as Hidan started yelling. "GIVE MY FUCKING PEN BACK, YOU HEATHEN BASTARD!!"

"Finders keepers." Kakuzu retorted smugly.

"YOU DIDN'T FIND THAT, YOU FUCKING PICKED MY POCKET ASSWIPE!! NOW GIVE IT THE FUCK BACK BEFORE ALL THE BLOOD RUSHES TO MY HEAD!! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN-"

"Be quiet Hidan, you're disturbing the others." Pein interrupted calmly. "And Kakuzu, give him his pen back."

Hidan snorted indignantly, whilst Kakuzu grudgingly returned the pen, giving his best evil stare. The look that could make grown men cry, however, had absolutely no affect on Hidan, much to Kakuzu's annoyance.

Meanwhile, exam stress seemed to suddenly pile up on Tobi for no explainable reason. "Urgh! I'm scared, sempai! What if I fail or I don't know any of the answers? And what if I have to go to the toilet in the middle of it?" Tobi panicked, hopping between one foot and the other anxiously.

"If you need to go to the toilet in the exam, you just put your hand up and they'll let you go. And I'm sure you'll be fine as long you did some revision Tobi" Kisame said kindly, taking over the conversation before Deidara blew something up out of annoyance… most likely Tobi. "… You did revise, didn't you?"

Tobi was baffled yet again by the strange and alien words people kept saying today. Maybe there was some kind of secret code going on between them all, Tobi thought, but they weren't including him. Well, he'd just have to figure it out, wouldn't he? "What's revision?" Tobi asked.

At hearing this comment, Deidara started bashing his head against the wall repeatedly in exasperation, while Kisame stood in shock at the level of stupidity in front of him. Tobi could make just about anyone look intelligent.

"I'm going to start calling you in now one by one, so be quiet or you'll miss your name." Iruka-sensei called out. Their names were read out off the list and the candidates trailed in one after another without incident until they reached Sasori's name. "Sasori? Is he not here yet?" Iruka-sensei shouted out. After hearing no reply, he was about to move onto the next name when Sasori finally arrived.

"What? I don't like to wait." He commented. "I'm on time so I don't see what the problem is."

"Fine." Iruka-sensei sighed as he let the red head into the exam hall. Zetsu was the last one in, and they all sat down, patiently waiting for the exam to begin. All except Konan and Kakuzu that is, who were too busy glaring at Orochimaru and Hidan respectively, to wait patiently.

"Okay, check the paper in front of you to make sure you have the right one!" The examiner told everyone. No one put their hand up, so he assumed that everyone must have the correct one. "I'm surprised so many people took GCSE Villainy this year. It was only Uchiha Madara who took it last time." He remarked to Iruka-sensei who was stood next to him. Tobi, who was seated at the front, heard this and started to giggle for some reason known only to him.

"You are now all subject to exam conditions. You should not talk to the other candidates or…"

Hidan's mind drifted off from the exam procedure notice when he realised his pen wasn't working as he tried to doodle 'Jashin-sama FTW' on his desk.

"Oh fuck!" He muttered. "Yo shit face, you gotta pen I can borrow?" He said, kicking Itachi's chair in front of him.

Itachi turned around very slowly until he was facing Hidan. His usual stoic expression was unchanged as he stared. "What did you just say?" He asked, his voice so quiet that Hidan only just heard him.

"I said, you gotta pen I can borrow, coz this one's fucked, seriously." He said, slightly louder.

Itachi placed a spare pen on Hidan's desk, and then turned back around.

"…you have one hour. You can start…_now_." There was a rustling of exam papers as everyone turned to the first question:

'_What is the most important quality for an evil leader?'_

_A – Patience_

_B – A bad ass appearance_

_C – Respect through fear_

_D – Wealth._

'Hmmm…' Pein thought. 'It obviously wasn't 'A' because everyone knows that patience is a virtue, and it couldn't be 'D' because benevolent people can have lots of money too. That narrows it down to B and C. Respect from your underlings is obviously important, but what about appearance? How else are you going to strike fear into the hearts of your opponents? … In fact, maybe I should work on my appearance a bit more… a couple of piercings couldn't hurt, right?'

'Well, that's a fucking pointless question.' Kakuzu thought. 'Everyone knows it's obviously 'D'. Next question…'

'_All evil organisations need a purpose. Which one of the following would be most suited for this:'_

_A - To protect the world from devastation, to unite all peoples within our nation. _

_B – To help little old ladies cross the street_

_C – To create a weapon of mass destruction_

_D – To ruthlessly kill anyone who gets in your way._

'Yet again, I think I'm going to have to go with D.' Kakuzu thought.

'Oh no, oh no, oh no, OH NO!!' Tobi thought. 'This question was on last years paper but I can't remember what the answer was… actually, I failed last year… so I should just pick one that I didn't pick last year. Okay… which one did I pick last year again?'

'This is all just too easy.' Itachi thought.

'_Pick the most evil deed out of the following:'_

_A – Smoking weed_

_B – Picking on your younger siblings_

_C – Murdering your whole clan_

_D – Giving people evils for no apparent reason._

'Well, I've done all those except for C…' Itachi's eyes widened in shock. 'Does this mean that there are people out there more evil than me? …We'll see about that. I can go one better if I combine B & C. By murdering my whole clan but leaving my younger brother alive, so I can psychologically torture him for the rest of his life, that should make me the most evil person in Konoha.' Itachi smiled for the first time in his life, which scared Orochimaru so much, that he had to be taken to the medical room.

'I'm so bored!' Kisame thought. He had finished a long time ago, after just picking the most bloody and gory option each time.

Konan had also finished a long time ago, so was turning her exam paper into an origami heart. That is, until it was taken away from her by Iruka-sensei, so she didn't unintentionally get her paper cancelled.

Zetsu was suffering from boredom... and slight hunger pangs. He'd picked option 'A' each time, his logic being that because there were four options, he had a 25 chance of getting each one right. So if he just picked 'A' each time, he would get 25 of the questions correct, which is all he needed for a pass (apparently it isn't hard to become a qualified evil genius). Deidara had used the same logic, except he had picked option 'D' each time instead, because it was his initial.

Sasori had finished by the wickedest means possible… cheating. Having secret compartments is very useful for sneaking notes into exams, as he found out from a very young age. Why else would he become a puppet?

"Time's up! Put your pens down, and the papers will be collected in!" The examiner shouted out. Everyone let out a sigh of relief, glad it was finally over… everyone except Tobi that is. He was still trying to remember which answer he chose in the last exam.

"I'll see you again in two weeks for the results!" Iruka-sensei shouted to the candidates who were all walking through the door, not bothering to wait to be dismissed. They were villains in training after all.

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Chapter 2 will be coming soon when the Akatsuki get their results!


	2. 02: Results Day

The last chapter of this story! It was originally only gonna be a one-shot but I really wanted to add the results day. So, hope you enjoy!

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Results Day**

"Good luck sempai!" Tobi yelled, hugging Deidara tightly.

"Errr… Tobi? I think it might be a good idea to let go of him now." Kisame suggested after seeing Deidara's eye twitch. When that happens, you know something is about to be blown up, and right now, that's most likely to be Tobi.

"Awww! Sorry Kisame-san!" Tobi released Deidara and latched onto Kisame instead.

"Errr… Tobi? That's not what I meant…" Kisame said, struggling for breath as Tobi squeezed the life out of him. What most people would class as assault, Tobi called 'a friendly hug.'

After seeing Kisame's predicament, Deidara had cheered up considerably. He finally plucked up the courage to go and check the list for his score.

"Zetsu, move your big head, un! The rest of us can't see, yeah!" Deidara whinged whilst jumping up and down, straining to see over Zetsu.

"Well, we did better than I expected." Zetsu's white side commented.

"**Yeah, but Deidara isn't going to be too happy**." His black side replied. Both sides of Zetsu (well, they are stuck together) moved over to the side so the rest of them could see.

Deidara was just about to get a glimpse of the board when he was shoved down to the floor by a hyperactive Tobi. "What did I get?! What did I get?!" He squealed bouncing up and down. For Kisame, it brought back painful memories of Itachi's fan-girls. He could remember only too well the time when they had attacked him for apparently spending too much time with the Uchiha prodigy. He still had the scars to prove it. Speaking of which…

"Has anyone seen Itachi-san?" Kisame questioned the group.

"He's grounded." Sasori told him.

"What? Itachi's grounded? Why?" Konan asked, joining the conversation.

"He tried to kill his parents." Pein informed them.

"Oh…" Kisame responded, not quite sure what to say to that. "What about Hidan and Kakuzu?"

"Apparently Kakuzu made them both get a job for the summer holidays." Pein replied.

Now Konan really was curious. "Doing what?"

"They're working at the fair."

"In what? The freak show?" Kisame snorted.

"Close. As ghosts in the haunted house."

At first the others thought it was a joke, but then they realised it was Sasori who had said this. Sasori never jokes. In fact, Deidara often wondered if he actually had a sense of humour.

"Kakuzu-san and Hidan-san are working as HOSTS?!" Tobi questioned, obviously mishearing. "Tobi always thought they were sexy, but he didn't realise every one else did too!"

"…" was the only reply that came from the group. They decided that the best course of action would be to pretend that they didn't hear that. And of course, who could blame them?

Kisame snickered evilly (ignoring Tobi's disturbing comment). "A job more suited for the zombie twins does not exist." He laughed. "We've got to go and visit them later." Everyone nodded in agreement, not wanting to miss out on an opportunity to tease Hidan and Kakuzu.

Tobi turned his attention back to the board, looking extremely downcast. "Well… Itachi-san and Leader-sama did well…" He said quietly. Deidara picked himself up off the floor where Tobi had pushed him earlier and stood in front of the board. His eyes widened when he saw the results:

_Itachi - 100  
__Pein – 100  
__Sasori – 95  
__Konan – 92  
__Kisame - 78  
__Kakuzu – 68  
__Hidan – 66  
__Orochimaru – 30  
__Zetsu – 26_

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_Deidara – 24  
__Tobi – 5_

Deidara knew what the results meant and it wasn't good.

"Yey! I'm going to be re-sitting the whole year with you, sempai!" Tobi said ecstatically. "I was disappointed when I found out I failed at first, but I don't mind if I'm with you sempai!"

"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

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- I know Sasori cheated on the test but I gave him 95 because he's smart enough to know that if you cheat, at least get some wrong so it looks realistic. And Orochimaru is still unconcious in hospital after seeing Itachi smile lmao -

**The End**


End file.
